Monthly Vox: 13 (May, 2022) - Questionable Performances

Guess who's apathetic and bad at time management... This guy! A staggering week into the current month of June is probably a record for how late one of these monthly updates has been so far. Unfortunately Uni has been putting some big plates of bullshit in front of me and I'm not allowed to leave the table 'til there's nothing left. I've also been playing a lot of Fallout 4 but we'll move past that... 👀

May was a good month for my hobbying. A local Warhammer 40K doubles tournament prompted me to get a bit of painting done, and final prep is going into place for my move next month. It's all a little bit up in the air but it's certainly exciting (for me, at least)!

Modelling and Painting

Chaplain Grimaldus and Retinue

A generally great kit with an awesome pose and satisfying little trinkets to paint all over, Grimaldus was as fun as I had expected him to be to paint. I kept pretty close to the box art in terms of colours used but made sure to put my own little twist. You'll see below that I voted to do the servitor colours more inline with how I did the ones on the model for High Marshal Helbrecht. I also made sure to use my usual recipe for black armour for the sake of consistency. 

The servitors were great fun to paint. They're varied enough to each feel like it's own unique model. The 'Remnant of the Fallen Temple' (large stone aquilla) in particular was an interesting exercise in marble masonry and stone texturing that I think I did well if I can shag my own arse for a moment. Sadly, since I was painting for about 20 hours straight by this point, my highlighting was a little lacklustre. 

Redemptor Dreadnought 'Dullahan'

I really tried to go 'balls deep' with this guy. I wanted to demonstrate a noticeable difference between him and my previous redemptor and it's safe to say I definitely have! I'll probably go back and improve the previous one (again) to be on par with this guy but for now it's a welcome contrast demonstrating how my painting has improved over the last year or so. 

You can tell I was enjoying painting this guy because I put the time in to free hand the shoulders, something I almost-never do! I think I did a good job of the left shoulder, faithfully recreating the Gannach Crusade heraldry. The other shoulder is a little 'meh' but it's still better than a a plane old decal in my humble opinion. 

Atlas Tabletop 'Even Better with Friends' Doubles Tournament

It's time for another tournie! This time the venue was Atlas Tabletop Gaming in the Gloucester Quays, ran by my GTGC clubmate, and good friend, Karl. My partner for the tournament was Jamie, another good friend and clubmate, bringing the undying legions (Necrons). Suffice it to say, I doubt he'll want to team up with me again any time soon. But I'll get into that later. 

The List

Since it's a 2,000 point game, each player is expected to bring a 1,000 point list. My first of many mistakes was opting to use a Vanguard Detachment, sacrificing 3 CP off the bat. This is costly in thousand point list since we only start with 6 CP each. Thankfully Command Points are pooled between partners so I had Jamie to bankroll my CP-hungry Black Templars. 

The plan was to march a 'doomblob' of screaming lunatics, stacked with defensive buffs and FNPs, up the table while getting heavy support from my two Redemptor Dreadnoughts and the large wall of Necron guns at my rear. Then, once the midfield was claimed, I would take the Templars as far as I could while the necrons move up to claim what I had cleared. However, it was Moltke who once said "No plan survives contact with the enemy"*. More on this later... 

HQ

• Chaplain Grimaldus (Litany of Divine Protection + Psalm of Remorseless Persecution)

Elites

• Primaris Apothecary (Warlord, Chief Apothecary, Selfless Healer, The Crusader's Helm)
• Bladeguard Veteran Squad (3x Bladeguard Veteran, Bladeguard Veteran w/ Icon of Heinmann, Sergeant)
• Vanguard Veteran Squad (4x Vanguard Veteran w/ LC+SS, Sergeant w/ Fist of Balthus+SS, Jump Packs)
• 2x Redemptor Dreadnought (2x Storm Bolter, Icarus Rocket Pod, Macro Plasma Incinerator, Onslaught Gatling Gun)

Performance

Here's where it gets a little rough. The list, it wasn't great. It sucked actually. I also sucked. In all three games, Grimaldus gave away 12VP for Assassinate. This combined with the list having basically no utility, lead to me being pretty much tabled by turn 3 in all our games. Through shoddy positioning and abysmal rolls, my Bladguard consistantly got steamrolled. No amount of Transhuman Physiology or FNPs were able to save them from Drazhar putting out 20 attacks or a giant blob of Abberants. My thoughts go out to Jamie, who despite pretty much being in a 1v2 for all three games, was still able to be a great sport and a welcome dose of high spirits throughout the day. 

Allow me to whinge for a moment, if you will. What absolute wet sweatshirt sleeve at GW decided that Grimaldus' cenobytes would count as a character model for the purposes of the Assassinate secondary objective? At one point during one of the three games, Grimaldus got caught in the explosion of a nearby vehicle. D3 mortal wounds on a W5 model isn't a massive deal, especially with an apothecary on standby to rush over and kiss it better, right? Well, those 3 mortal wounds ended up obviously going on the Cenobytes first, as per Grimaldus' rules. Unfortunately, this meant that all three died. Bam! 9VP for Assassinate immediately. Absolutely shocking... (If you can't tell, I'm a little salty about it.)

Despite the obvious issues with the performance of myself and my list, I still had a great time. There was plenty of laughs and tense moments and each of the three games was still mostly enjoyable, despite the lacklustre display put forth by my Templars. Even if pretty much all three games' scoresheets looked like this:

The Ceremony

The doom and gloom quickly wore off when the grand ending ceremony began, however! A staple of GTGC, and now Atlas, is the greatly anticipated awards ceremony of every major event. Me and Jamie came dead last place with less than 80 points across three games. A pitiful display though we were able to snag the 'Wooden Spoon', a consolation bracket awarded to whoever did the absolute shittest. Hey, an awards an award! 

Additionally, either through actual improvement or pity in the eyes of my peers for staying up all night in a last-minute 20-hour painting binge to get everything battle-ready, I was kindly voted the highest for the 'Best Painted' category, for which I am very grateful. It took me a minute to process what I had received as, at this point, I had been awake nearly 38 hours straight. Regardless, thanks to all who voted for me! It's good to know the improvement in my painting skills is so drastic that it could win an award :) 

Here's a very low-res headshot of myself I stole from the video of the ceremony. Don't I just look dashing? 

Closing Thoughts

All in all, a decent month! Again, sorry this has been so late. I am not an organised man and I'm spinning a lot of plates right now. I hope you've enjoyed this recap of my hobbying this month. I've got some big stuff coming to the Fistful of Beans social medias in the next couple of months. Perhaps even some YouTube content in the pipeline. Time will tell ;)

Speaking of which, the Fistful of Beans TikTok is now a thing. I'm too old to understand the app but I'll probably throw some tutorials or something up on it at some point. Check that out here!

So that's the month!

Cheers, 

Ryan

*A popular paraphrasing of what he really said but it means the same.